Introduction
Intra-personal communication can be defined as a form of inner monologue. The inner monologue concerning the role of communicative skills in various spheres of life and the ways for enhancing one’s competence is crucial for every person. In that regard, the book People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts provides a valuable insight into the role of developing listening, following and attending skills in not only preventing and controlling the conflicts at work, but also establishing positive family relationships. The main claim of this book is that communicative skills cannot substitute caring and understanding, but can help express these feelings, and achieving success should be applied to everyone’s personal experience.
Discussion
Bolton puts it that intra-personal communication has a significant impact on the individual’s ability to interact with others. According to Bolton’s interpretation, the problem of communication failures should be viewed in the context of family and business relations. Bolton asserts that our ability to communicate well is responsible for about half of our achievements in different spheres. Applying Bolton’s assumption to my personal experience, I must admit that my ability to communicate well was frequently crucial for achieving my goals. It is important to remove the roadblocks and develop one’s listening skills for enhancing the working efficiency and building bridges to co-workers for improving the working atmosphere and outcomes. In some cases, my unwillingness to hear the interlocutor distanced me from my relatives and friends or resulted in failures at work. Bolton proclaims communication as humanity’s most important achievement and the weakest point at the same time. Reviewing the skills of listening, following and reflecting, the psychologist outlines the measures which need to be imposed for preventing and controlling the conflicts and improving the quality of communication. Analyzing the results of relevant studies, Bolton provides a comprehensive analysis of the major psychological aspects underlying the process of communication and affecting its outcomes. I remember a wide range of situations from my personal experience, in which misunderstanding was caused by the lack of listening skills and/or inability to look behind the stereotyped labels attributed to the interlocutor. I suppose that there were even more misunderstandings that remained unveiled.
Bolton’s book contains plenty of valuable recommendations which influenced my views on the importance of communicative skills and which I am going to implement in practice. In parent-children relations, the continuing quarrels and the so-called generation gap are the results of the established distance and insufficient communicative skills. Recollecting the conflicts with my parents, I would note that frequently felt that my parents were not ready to hear me. In that regard, concealing the truth is frequently the easiest way out which, however, appears to be one of the major causes for the quarrels. After reading Bolton’s book I can assume that I was not ready to hear my parents either. In such a way, the loving and caring people can distance themselves from one another, being unable to control their conflicts.
In any conflict, the ability to hear the opposite side is critical for resolving it. Thus, according to Bolton’s assertions, only listening carefully to the interlocutor and following his/her train of thoughts would allow arriving at an effective solution of the problem and understanding its scope. As opposed to the widely spread misconceptions, for asserting the opposite party, an individual should not only speak and express his/her opinion but also listen to others. This method is recognized by the psychologist as the most appropriate for resolving the conflict.
The author’s recommendations for reframing the aspirations were valuable for comparing and contrasting the accustomed state of affairs to the necessary changes in it and the desired outcomes of this initiative. The continuing intra-personal communication focused on the analysis of the main strengths and weaknesses can help achieve these goals. The inner monologue enables each individual to analyze the situation by viewing it from various perspectives and providing the answers to one’s own questions. In a real-life situation, it is not that easy as it might seem. Most people do not take time to weigh their arguments but just end up following their emotions when attempting to resolve a conflict. Bolton claims that adequate time should be allotted to getting over the problem instead of acting impulsively. In conflict situations, silence can become a valuable communication tool (Bolton, 1979). Bolton’s assertions made me reconsider my accustomed reactions to the conflict situations and encouraged me to allot more time to the searches for the right solution.
People need not only to listen to each other but also to hear the words of the opponent. This is the only way for arriving at an effective solution. Thus, it is significant not only to answer the questions properly, but also to formulate the questions for the opposite party only after a careful analysis of the situational context and the major influential factors which can influence the outcomes of the communication. Dialogue can become a resourceful form of resolving a conflict. The body language along with the facial expressions which are said to speak louder than words also deserves serious consideration. The successful implementation of the above-mentioned techniques is critical for the resolution of the conflict (Bolton, 1979).
Regarding the business environment, the communicative failure can have a dramatic impact on the effectiveness of the processes and working efficiency. The communicative aspects are significant for not only discussing the terms of cooperation between the customer and the service supplier, but also in the effective cooperation of the co-workers. For instance, I remember a situation when I had to share certain stationery and these were only the communicative skills that allowed performing the operations without reducing the effectiveness of the operations (Bolton, 1979).
Bolton puts it that the two should listen carefully to each other controlling their body movements for enhancing mutual understanding. This however in real-life situations can be hard due to the customers’ emotional drives. Dialogue should come in as a means of discussing the desired price or quantity. I am supposed to bargain according to my understanding of the commodity. If one of the parties is uncooperative, it becomes cumbersome to negotiate perfectly. This is what frequently happens in the real-life business environment because one of the parties appears to be uncooperative in the negotiation (Bolton, 1979).
For improving the current practices, Bolton offers to reframe the accustomed modes and attitudes of all the participants of business communication. Within the negotiation process, the intra-personal communication should be applied as the way for unfolding the answers to prior questions and reviewing the available options before proceeding to concrete actions. Listening to the opponent and devoting time to intra-personal monologues and analysis of the ongoing communication acts is crucial for resolving the problem (Bolton, 1979).
Bolton encourages people to use their communicative skills to solve the variety of problems because the lack of communicative skills and the roadblocks between the interlocutors are the main underlying causes of the most topical issues. Reframing the accustomed practices and communicative patterns would be not that easy as it might seem at the first sight. Despite all the difficulties in applying Bolton’s recommendations into real-life practice, improved communication skills can change the whole person’s life and solve numerous problems in personal and professional dimensions (Bolton, 1979).
Conclusion
In general, it can be concluded that Bolton’s book under consideration provides a valuable insight into the measures to be taken for improving one’s listening and asserting skills. The manner of presentation of the materials in the form of comparing and contrasting the possible outcomes of the traditional patterns for controlling the conflicts to the more effective methods of intrapersonal communications and enhanced listening offered by the author was effective for intensifying the effect produced by Bolton’s assertions. Recollecting the situations from my personal experience, I started the process of the inner monologue aimed at critical evaluation of my communicative skills and estimation of the reasons for possible communicative failures. This intra-personal communication can be regarded as the starting point to improving my listening and asserting skills for preventing and controlling conflicts in various settings. Taking into account the fact that communicative skills are crucial for establishing positive family relations and increasing one’s working efficiency, it can be stated that the level of communicative skills is responsible for the person’s quality of life.
Reference
Bolton, R. (1979). People skills: how to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts. New York: Simon and Schuster.