Grief is the emotional torture that engulfs a person after losing a loved one or experiencing a painful loss. It is difficult to control grief because it is a natural reaction to loss. The pain of grief can hinder linear thinking and sleep and even interfere with one physical growth. There is no right or wrong way to grieve depending on the type of loss one is suffering, but with comprehension of the stages of grief, a healthy way of coping can be found. The loss of a loved one is one of the challenges that cause intense grief, which takes a very long time to subside. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold narrates a story about a teenage girl who was murdered after having been raped by her neighbor, leaving her friends and family with difficulties keep going due to her death. This paper examines the strategies for dealing with grief and getting back to normal, such as coaching and counseling.
There is no timetable for how long sorrow should last or how one should feel over a certain period of time. After a year, it could still appear as if everything occurred yesterday or as though everything transpired a lifetime ago. These are among the emotions an individual may experience if they are dealing with grief for an extended period of time (Groslambert et al. 357). Since everyone’s grief can be altered, every individual feels differently as time goes on. Learning to cope with the loss of a loved one can take a very long time as one processes the grief and adopts different strategies for managing it.
There is no answer to how long the anguish may last because people are different in their emotional quotient as well as the amount of work they put in towards moving on. Friends and neighbors will expect one to move on quickly, but grief alters with time as the person starts adjusting to life without the person (Sugawara et al. 406). The novel The Lovely Bones quotes that death is a natural phenomenon that human beings have to realize and accept. The pain of losing a loved one may still feel the same after a long time because it takes time to realize that time has changed practically. Lindsey refuses to show any emotions when the principal tries to be sorry, then Susie says, “’Make her laugh,’ I wanted to say to him. ‘Bring her to a Marx Brothers movie, sit on a fart cushion, show her the boxers you have on with little devils eating hot dogs on them!’ All I could do was talk, but no one on Earth could hear me” (Sebold 30).
At first, one feels shocked or numb due to the sudden information but then tends to forget because there is plenty of support from friends, and the mind is occupied with the funeral preparation. With time, as the help from supporters reduces, one starts being lonely, and the feelings of grief awaken (Matthews). For example, Susie’s father, Jack, panics at first, but later, his grief turns to anger as he wants to pursue vigilante justice and find the killer. At times such as this, individuals experience emotional turmoil as they cope, but they also become overwhelmed with feelings.
With time, there might be places or events that trigger one emotion and remind one of the people. Grief cannot be easily healed by moving on because there are always reminders and triggers that may awaken the feelings (Thieleman et al. 8). Reminders and triggers may lead to endless crying spells, lack of energy, loneliness, lack of sleep, anger, and anxiety. One should be prepared to handle the awaked grief, especially during anniversaries, and turn such days into healing opportunities. It is also essential to make sure that there is a distraction to help an individual stay occupied in those times when one may feel lonely or likely to be reminded of their loved one (Mellor). It helps lessen the pain when one focuses on the good memories they had with their loved ones and by doing the activities they did together with the deceased person.
Moreover, the grieving period is also a time to connect with friends and relatives, including those special to the lost person. Having people near is advisable because they encourage talking about one’s loss and help share the pain or give ideas on how to lessen the grief (Feasey 10). It is also important to realize that it is appropriate to feel a range of emotions because while remembering the loved one, you may find yourself laughing and crying simultaneously. Ways of coping with grief indicate that grief cannot end magically at the point of death because there will be triggers and reminders that stir the pain (Çaksen 1262). When the pain prolongs and completely alters one’s function, it is vital to consult a mental health provider or a grief counselor.
The Lovely Bones by Alice narrates a story of a family grieving their loved daughter who was murdered and raped by their neighbor. The family still helps each other to cope with the pain without oppressing or blaming themselves. Sometimes after losing a loved one, it may seem hopeless to be happy again. For some people, it may feel like the end of life and that they will never be happy again, but they should know that in the end, things will be better again (Berkovits et al. 834). Denial and isolation are the first stages of grieving, and it is normal because it always leads to the next stage of unnecessary anger. It is also common for people to feel guilty and blame themselves for the loss and the things left incomplete or untold.
Pleading and bargaining are part of the grieving process because, at their time, people cry while considering their options and begging their loved ones to come back to life. At such time, people said things like ‘I would give up my life to have him back, why my friend and not anyone else’ in between their sobs’ (Akkaş and Bakırtaş 1328). In The Lovely Bones, Susie wishes her family to return to normality and states that a part of her wishes is to take revenge. People should think positively and take the situation to start a new life and build a new future. Susie says at one point, “Each time I told my story, I lost a bit, the smallest drop of pain. It was that day that I knew I wanted to tell the story of my family“ (Sebold 186). Distractions may include trying out new things or visiting new places and meeting new people, or any other adventure that may come as an opportunity due to losing a loved one.
Trying new things at first might not be fun at times because there might not be any friends or relatives by one’s side. However, at the end of it all, new experiences and adventures may be an opportune moment that would bring happiness and healing. When a loved one is lost, it is not a time to punish oneself with so much suppressed pain (Scordato 50). It is important to find something or someone that will assist in aiding in reducing the grief. Keeping hope alive and striving to achieve happiness instead of reproaching oneself is the healthiest means to get over grief.
Works Cited
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