Theoretical tools used in ethics are very convenient in real life, as they help understand oneself when making an important decision. For example, applying theories related to the schools of ethics allows one to evaluate the causes and consequences of choices. Ethical tools, such as Lonergan’s operations of consciousness, enable people to see the whole scope of the decision-making process. One of the serious ethical situations that occupied my thoughts for a long time lately was breaking up with my boyfriend. I had to decide whether to continue or end the relationship, and it was not an easy choice. In this paper, I will share my ethical dilemma and analyze how I made this decision using the theoretical tools of ethics.
The crux of my dilemma was that even though my feelings were still very keen, my mind, with great certainty, insisted that I end the relationship. I was going through a difficult life situation, and my beloved did not react to changes in my behavior and appearance in the way I would like him to. In addition, our relationship had been going on for quite a long time, and I was ready to make more serious plans, but I did not see that Elijah wanted to make efforts or make sacrifices to plan our future. Another reason was my health problems, which significantly limited my space for action. The last important reason was that Elijah ignored the changes that were happening to me. In general, our relationship was at an impasse, and I made a strong-willed decision to break up.
It seemed to me that the decision came by itself. Still, after studying Lonergan’s operations of consciousness, I understand that it could be divided into four stages that brought me closer to the final verdict (“Lonergan’s Cognitional Theory,” n.d.). Initially, when I began to doubt the prospects of our relationship, I could not give an adequate assessment and therefore delayed the unpleasant outcome for some time. This postponement of resolving the dilemma was probably necessary for me to gain enough impressions on an empirical and intellectual level. Then, when I realized that the decision had already been made, I again postponed the break with Elijah a little, as I needed time to analyze my intellectual inferences rationally.
These three months of reflection were a harrowing period, after a rather pleasant romance that lasted for about a year and a half. The closer I got to the line that I determined, the more painful my thoughts were. I wrote self-reflective letters, drew odd drawings, and immersed myself in memories that did not save me from reality. I should also point out that the lack of understanding of Virtue ethics and Consequentialism has significantly added confusion to my cognitive process.
I spent a lot of time evaluating my decision in terms of Ethical Relativism or Virtue ethics, but apparently, it didn’t make sense. I most likely considered some serious flaw in Elijah’s ethical image, which was the main reason for the breakup. The indifference that he showed to my problems, on sober reflection, can really be considered a serious ethical flaw. But I tried to find excuses for his selfishness and insensitivity or find a reason why my decision to break up would be unethical. Of course, I did not see the situation clearly, as I was deeply in love, but now I can analyze this dilemma with sufficient certainty. When my mental agony reached its limit, I called Elijah and said that we were officially breaking up and asked him not to bother me anymore. To my surprise, he didn’t make too many phone calls afterward, although given his hysterical reactions when I started talking about changes, his behavior was very suspicious.
Finally finding myself alone, I indulged in an equally painful post-analysis, and here the solution came to my aid that changed my approach, largely thanks to my mother’s advice. Many parents are supporters of Utilitarianism or Consequentialism, which is great. For example, when they tell us, “Well, look at yourself, you are much prettier! Imagine how ugly your children would be!” or “You are much smarter, and you will earn more than him, think about how you can live together?” Therefore, when my thoughts carried me to the threshold of sentimental madness, I tried to change the course of my thinking, applying Utilitarian ethics.
I must admit that this is a wonderful school of ethics, and I have become a devoted supporter of it eventually. Later, I was often thinking about the consequences of my refusal to make the decision to break up, and these reflections have always calmed me down and gave me strength. I became much more confident and much calmer after this break, as it helped me to embrace Consequentialism and Utilitarian approaches besides Virtue ethics. In other words, given the pressure that society exerts on people who do not want to find a partner urgently, many individuals have a distorted idea of their moral strengths and weaknesses. The inner world is part of the outer, and life is a complex psychological game with an infinite number of players. Therefore, it is very easy to become a loser in this game, relying only on Virtue ethics.
Romance-minded people often fall prey to manipulation since they fail to recognize an important other side in any relations and situations – the side of a Utilitarian necessity. Whenever we feel cheated, it is usually because some evil person is meeting their Utilitarian needs at our expense. Therefore, the commitment to always give an honest assessment of the consequences is a panacea for people trapped on the tangled foggy road of Virtue ethics.
Thus, I shared my ethical dilemma and analyzed how I made a difficult decision using the theoretical tools of ethics. Unfortunately, when I faced the problem, I did not yet know about schools of ethical thought, which would greatly simplify my cognitive reflection and post-analysis of the situation. When summarizing and analyzing the decision made, I could also benefit from applying Lonergan’s operations of consciousness tool. I blamed myself for hesitation, but I did everything right, making a balanced and responsible decision following the cognitive stages that are natural for any thinking creature. I must admit that theoretical knowledge would not affect the process and the decision I made since the rational analysis served more as a background for my actions. For the most part, I still listened to emotions and a vague understanding that my decision will make me feel better, and therefore, it is correct. From a theoretical perspective, I decided to part ways with Elijah as I considered him morally unworthy of my affection. Utilitarian and Consequentialism approaches subsequently helped me to move on, dealing with my life’s challenges alone.
Reference
Lonergan’s Cognitional Theory. (n.d.) The Way Ahead. Web.